Kindness vs Niceness
The Difference Between the Two
This will be on the shorter side, I think. This topic is one that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about ever since high school, and it’s one that I think is important, though hardly discussed.
On the surface, these words seem to be synonyms. They’re even occasionally used interchangeably. However, a quick
dictionary search reveals that these words aren’t synonyms at all; kind means “of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person”
while nice means “pleasing; agreeable; delightful; amiably pleasant”. Though similar, I believe that there is a fundamental difference
between the two.
Both when people are nice and when they’re kind, they’ll treat someone well and with respect; however, I believe that the difference lies in the occasion.
People who are nice usually are doing so in that instance. So, they can be nice to someone on one day, mean to someone else on another, or just turn it on and off at will. On the other hand, kindness is a state of being, a way of behaving that permeates ones entire being.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Kindness doesn’t mean that you have to like everyone, nor does it mean that you must absolutely get along with everyone either. All it means is that you treat everyone the way you would treat someone you respect.
I mentioned earlier that this is a topic I’ve given a lot of thought, mostly in how to implement it in my own life. Since senior year,
I’ve tried to commit to being kind to absolutely everyone, with varying levels of success.
Since this is my site, I figured that I might as well use it to document my progress with this endeavor and provide
unsolicited advice for anyone who wants to try it as well. Of course, I’m not perfect (it’s a grind every day), but
I have noticed considerable strides in myself and it’s very encouraging to see the progress.
In the short amount of time that I’ve consciously decided to be kind to everyone, I’ve found that a few tips tend to help
me stay on track:
- “Remember the human.”
Surprisingly, this one comes straight from Reddit. The idea behind it (in my interpretation) is that every action done by a person has some underlying reason, no matter how selfish/stupid it may be. By stepping back and thinking of the best possible reason for why someone would have done something, it’s easier to be more forgiving of what they did and not feel animosity towards them for it. Maybe the person driving cut you off because they have an important appointment, or maybe an emergency that they need to tend to. Giving people the benefit of the doubt helps to humanize them and show kindness. - “It’s not that deep, yo”
This is a personal phrase of mine. It’s easy to blow things out of proportion on a knee-jerk reaction, but I find that the easiest way to keep myself under control is simply to ask myself this: “Will <Whatever I’m upset about> matter in a matter of a day, or even 10 minutes?” If the answer to that question is “no”, then it’s not worth getting bent out of shape over. If it’s a yes, then the next question is: “Is there something that I can do to rectify it?” If not, then there’s no need to get upset about it. If so, then just find a respectful way to handle the situation, all while keeping tip #1 in mind. It sounds hard, I know, but it gets easier over time. - “Find the fun”
This one is the easiest one, I think. I think that it’s easier to be kind if you’re having fun, so by finding the fun in every situation, it’s pretty trivial to extend that happiness you’re feeling to people nearby in the form of being kind.
The one thing that I want to emphasize again is that kindness must be a part of how you are, not just a way you act. Yes being nice is part of it, but I think that it extends down to even the little things, like helping someone out who needs directions or thanking the bus driver. Of course, don’t put yourself in any bad situations.
Now, this isn’t an end-all, be-all list. They’re just my thoughts. That said, I’d love to hear about if anyone else has their own perspectives on kindness and what they do to achieve it. That’s really all I’ve got on this topic; I’ll be back next week with another computer science post, probably. Or maybe a music one. We’ll just see how it goes.
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